Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
