Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize