She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
