im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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