There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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