Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
