I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
