That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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