I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i think i just lost a toe
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
