Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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