Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
