It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
