Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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