I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
