even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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