so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
