you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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