Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
