The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
