i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
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I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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