I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
