The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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