We're facebook friends in real life
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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