So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
