You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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