Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
