do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
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It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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