But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize