You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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