# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
