I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
even my farts smell like vagina
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
