ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
