remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
