Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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