just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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