apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
