She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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