i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
