Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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