You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
