Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
