Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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