I faked an abortion last night.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
