Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
