Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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