best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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