im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
