I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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