i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
