Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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