you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
