my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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