i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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