Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
