I got chris browned last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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