i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
