I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
