Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
