you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
