At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
