how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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