I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
