there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
