My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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