you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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