we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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