Yo dont text me then not text me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
