White coat. Heels.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
