I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
